To friends, and everyone i know and known even for a short time

Hi all...and sorry rachel for making this long, but i urge everyone to read this....
well today was pretty routine, had fun at bball training
but now im in such a crap sad/angry/pissed/fed up/hurt mood...
my mum, i love her, she's great and kind to me (mostly....fairly....okay sometimes) but today, im just fed up over it.

yesterday i told her im doing the musical, and she was fine. this arvo i tell her me n my friend eric are just doing the "chorus + dancing" which is basically background stuff, so she starts mouthing off about how stupid i am, and that i shouldnt do it etc, i bascially take this crap everyday, how im not a good enough son, how i dont beat everyone in academics grades, how i dont want a lead role in the upcoming musical, how i go out alot and is mingling with "crap people" and they are dragging my grades down...

well, it is my aim to be as nice and kind as possible, to everyone i meet, and i dont care about how good they look, what they do, what gender they are, what religion they believe in....

so my mum. the one thing i hate most about her is she talks about everyone behind their backs. seriosuly, if anyone of u get the chance to talk to her...if u didnt respond and walked away ur being a better person than my mum is....(in this context)

she starts off by saying how stupid i am for not doing a lead role, and then she starts critisizing eric...sorry eric if ur reading this, but this is the truth...
my mum thinks eric is a gangster who will not achieve in life, and is not "civilised" as he goes and hangs out with friends on the weekends. also because he dances, my mum thinks he is a bad influence on me. therefore that = do not hang out with eric

So this got me reallly pissed, as i dont care if they're not getting "A's" in their subjects, if they dance, if they hang out with friends every weekend, cus i like people for what they are, not someone my mum wants me to like "A+ student, rarely goes out socialising, good looking," oh and i dont believe eric is a bad influence, i learnt a lot of cool stuff from him, and i respect him for it.

k yeh, i know the difference between these people + druggies/gangsters, and i know none of the people i know would be this bad...and even if they did, i would still like them not because of that they did drugs/gangs, but because of what they are. But this said, i would never mingle into drugs/gangs

So all this criticizing over my friends and people i want to befriend made me really pissed, so i started arguing....how i dont care, if they dont get A's, if they go out a lot with other friends, because this to me is what they do, and i respect it. And...because my mum says these people are a bad influences that drag my grade down. SO now whenever i get B's, she basically blames my friends that ive been going out with...

THIS IS WHERE I GOT REALLY REALLY RELALY PISSED. I started shouting, screaming, arguuing, putting my point as much as i can, cause i really couldnt stand to listen to all this crap being said to my friends and people i know. She basically stopped the car, pulled over, and we continued the argument...i must admit, i did say a lot of nasty stuff about my mum, and i was so angry that i could feel blood throbbing through my head...dont thinks thats healthy...and i do regret it, but i do not regret fighting for my friends. But then i though, why am i sticking up for friends and people ive known barely, even though sometimes maybe some people would treat me with disrespect. So then i went into a real depression stage, but then thought...Why the hell am i doing this? Just giving up on the world? Heck no, im gonna fight it, help as many people as i can, and fight for them

~~~~~~~So Know this...my friends + everyone I know, whether we've been good friends for a long time, or just met, i believe each and everyone of you are true of heart, have wonderful and ranging personalities, are good people, and most of all, that each and one of you are worth fighting for. heck i believe everyone is worth fighting for if someone comes along and starts judging them before they get to know them. Know that i've bled for you (literally mum hits me and makes me bleed), been bashed for you, and shed tears for you, because i can not take people shouting shit at you, when i know you are such good people...

so i hope you really understand the position i am in...but i will keep smiling =] because making other people smile will keep me going...and when i do make people sad or angry...please tell me, cause ill feel so shit that i would want to make it up...

keep on living, never forget who you are, be yourself, because that is what everyone loves about you...tt
~Chewyy